Content warning: This article includes graphic descriptions fo sexual assaults seen in TV and films.
No is not a gendered word, don’t use it as one. When talking about anything in life, particularly in sex, consent is key. However, not everybody seems to understand that principle. It happens too often that people experience sexual violence. In the last few years, there is more attention for victims of sexual violence (#metoo) however, most people are under the assumption that only woman can be raped. This is unfortunately not the case, consent goes both ways and not only woman can say no to sex. No is not a gendered word, so let’s not use it as one. Let’s talk about sexual violence against males.
Facts
According to a study in the USA in 2015, 24,8% of men surveyed admitted to having experienced sexual violence involving physical contact. This includes rape completed or attempted (2,6%), being made to penetrate completed or attempted (7,1% or 1 in 14 men), sexual coercion (9,6%) and unwanted sexual contact, for example groping (17,9%).
Of the men made to penetrate, in 80% of the cases, the perpetrator was identified as female. It is thus safe to say that sexual violence is not only happening to females but males as well.
The statistic do differ between the genres, but they are both very high. One in five woman and one in seventy-one men will be raped at some point in their lives. This has to change.
Rape culture
Toxic masculinity, usually shown in movies, would have us believe that the idea of a male rape victim is weird and not real. Men are supposed to be wanting sex all the time. They are supposed to have a big sex drive and are entitled to it, right? That is why they can’t be raped. Men should always want to have sex with as many people as possible. These myths contribute to a culture in which male rape is being ignored or dismissed. The myths are deeply rooted in male masculinity. This frankly dangerous idea that male rape is a joke is shown loud and clear in our current pop culture. When TV and movies show sexual assault against men, assault is often shown as more of an inconvenience then assault. In some movies, they encourage it. The assaulted male moves on pretty quickly after the assault happens and shows no effects.
Male rape used as a joke in media
After re-watching the movie Horrible bosses, I noticed that the movie uses sexual violation as a punch line. It also uses sexual violation in order to make one of the main characters in the movie seem soft. The premise of the movie is that three friends conspire to plan to murder their bosses. This because their bosses are in their own way awful. Main character Dale (Charlie Day) has a boss (Jennifer Aniston) who constantly sexually harasses him. She makes several out of line and unwelcome sexual advances towards Dale. She also took compromising photos of him while passed out, threatening to release them to Dale’s fiancée unless he agreed to sleep with her. When Dales shares this harassment with his friends, they laugh about it. Dismissing the severity of the situation. This despite them knowing that Dale intents to safe himself for marriage and is deeply in love with his fiancée. The movie then continues to show Dale as a weak male that just should have sex with his boss to get it over with and do not take this problem seriously.
Another example is the movie Wedding Crashers (2015). In the movie Wedding Crashers, Gloria (Isla Fisher) ties Jeremy (Vince Vaughn) to a bed whilst he is sleeping. And when he wakes up, she silences his protest by gagging him so she can finish. But according to that movie, being raped is obviously not at all traumatic since they fall in love and end up marrying.
What needs to change?
- Better representation in media
- More awareness on sexual violence towards males
- Reduce toxic masculinity in society
- Support victims
- Call out sexism
- Accept that no is no
No is not gendered word, so don’t use it as one. Males, like woman, have every right to decline sex!
